When I left the cult, before I’d met my husband, I remember saying one evening, (makes sound)**, because I didn’t want to have anything to do with religion ever again after that experience.
I remember saying out loud — I don’t know if it’s a prayer — but I was sitting in a cold flat with a miserable little fire in the grate, and I said out loud, “God if you exist, come out and show yourself.”
And so I put my hand up and say, uh, “yeah, I wasn’t really very good at that.”**
Because if we don’t do that then we’re saying oh I’ve got something to offer that’s mine.** But we don’t.